September is National Family Meals Month, and it couldn’t come at a more appropriate time than right now, when kids are back at school, yet for many families affected by weather, a family meal can be the most comforting thing ever. For all families, re-committing to having family meals together is one of the most beneficial things parents can do for their kids and for family life.
The practice of having family meals isn’t dead, but there are signs it’s ailing. Families still eat together, but according to a Harris poll cited in a 2015 study on family meals, only 3 in 10 families eat together every night. There’s room for improvement here and there are many reasons to make the effort.
Family Meals: It’s About the ACT As Much As the Meal
A quick research rundown on benefits of frequent family meals:
- Kids are 12% LESS likely to be overweight
- Kids are 24% MORE likely to eat healthier foods (and 20% LESS likely to eat unhealthy foods!)
- Kids are 35% LESS likely to have eating disorders (e.g. have a healthier RELATIONSHIP with food)
- A separate study found that eating home-cooked meals most often (even if using some frozen or packaged convenience foods) resulted in eating about 130 FEWER calories for the day, compared to people who cook at home less often or not at all. Those families also ate less fat and sugar.
The benefits go beyond nutrition. Better mental health, social skills and even higher grades In addition to the dietary benefits, research has shown advantages to eating meals together that go beyond nutrients and nutrition but that are every bit as important:
- A 2015 study: Kids who grow up having regular family meals are more likely to have more desirable social behaviors (such as sharing, respect, fairness) as adults.
- A 2014 study: have fewer signs of depression, less likely to abuse drugs, less likely to engage in delinquent acts.
- Strong association between family meals and higher grades, higher self-esteem, less risky behavior.
So…What’s the Barrier to Family Meals?
Check the “Life Happens” folder. There’s more demanded of everyone today. Jobs aren’t 9 to 5 anymore. Technology allows (and encourages) us to check work-related messages outside of typical workday hours. Pile on the demands of the kids, their academic, extracurricular, and social schedules, plus the demands of just running a household, and family meal seems like an unnecessary expenditure of time.
It’s necessary. As often as you can have it and really make it a priority. It sends important messages to your kids:
- A little time spent together every day is important, and
- You kids are worth my time every day.
- I want to know what’s happening with you, and
Is there a downside to family meals? Only if the family relationship isn’t strong. It’s also another reason to establish the family table early on as a totally neutral zone for parents and kids alike.
How To Enjoy, Not Endure, Family Meals
- No technology. If kids – or patents can’t disconnect for the 20-30 minutes it takes for the family meal, then family meals aren’t the problem, family standards are, and it’s time for a reset. They’ll miss a few texts and posts and they’ll learn the world still spins.
- Switzerland. The family meal table is a fully demilitarized zone. No fights, no bickering, no lectures. Keep it positive. If social skills need some work, this is the place. Give some guidance, but always with encouragement, not judgement. And ALWAYS give some positive feedback. Kids (and adults) love to be told they’re doing a good job.
- Table it. Research has associated eating together around the family table, not in front of the TV or in other rooms, with lower body mass index (BMI – a measure of weight-for-height) for kids AND parents. Keep them engaged until everyone is finished – that’s also associated with lower BMIs.
- Everyone’s an owner. Parents are hungry for prep help! No matter the menu, give age-appropriate tasks for prep and clean-up. Everyone gets dinner sooner and enjoys it more because they have a personal stake in its prep. Big note: tell the kids you appreciate their help. Positive feedback is the ultimate motivator.
Fave Family Meal Story
My friend, Marylou, told me about her former next-door neighbor, a widow with six kids and a huge house to care for. Marylou visited one Saturday morning to find the widow with a huge pile of laundry to do, yet she was prepping to take all her kids on a picnic. Marylou was aghast and said, What about all this laundry?!” The woman said, “I know, but in ten years they won’t remember the laundry. They’ll remember the picnic we had.”
I love that mom. And thanks to my own mom, for making great family meals — including breakfasts!